July 2019 - News

Easy peel avocado reaches Illwell!
For years now, idiots have had to risk serious injury, as well as ‘green stuff’ on their precious fingers, just to sample the delights of tasty avocado fruit. Now, those days are gone with an easy peel version modified especially.

 One quick slice through the reptilian outer crust and you’re in to the lush green inner sanctum, and the skin then peels away like a ring pull lid on a can of soup.

 “It’s about time”, said an avocado buyer outside a supermarket in Christmas Street. “I’ve only got two fingers remaining on my left hand because of past accidents, although one of them was because of a banana”.

 “This will actually save lives and that’s what matters”, said another nutter.

 An avocado expert spoke to Illwell News and said, “We still have a long way to go to reach the standards of, say, a satsuma but who wants that on your toast”.

 Many traditionalists are upset that fruit is going this way. One remarked, “I think it’s an absolute waste of time trying to make peeling fruit easier just because people are lazy and ridiculous. There are far more important issues that should be addressed, like making those silver ‘watch’ battery packs better so you didn’t need half a day in the tool shed to get the thing out. And what about milk?”

 Illwell Hospital staff were breathing a sigh of relief however. A nurse we spoke to, who didn’t want to give her name for fear of reprisals, said, “It’s only just come on to the market but already today we’ve seen a drop in Avocado related cases”.

 When asked, “Are these new style Avocados genetically modified?” an Avocado Producer replied, “No. They’re just ‘modified".

Above: Even a fat baby could probably get into the new Avocado without making a mess!