June 2019 - News

University moves to ban talking

Bisley University is in talks with their Student Union with a view to banning ‘talking’. If the talks result in an outright ban it will bring an end to future talks.

It comes after some students - who didn’t want to named - complained of over-hearing an offensive conversation while their were in a communal area.

The accused group were apparently conducting a light-hearted chit-chat about an undisclosed subject and the complaint centres around their jovial demeanour as much as the content. This offended people nearby who were conducting a serious conversation about what next they could ban and they were constant interrupted by spontaneous out-brakes of laughter and ostentatious grinning.

The students who didn’t want to be named have since come under attack from a group offended by the ‘not naming’ of people who don’t want to be named.

Illwell stands by it’s name

After coming under fire for merging the to villages in the first place, Illwell Town has again courted scrutiny from a group concerned about the connotations of the town name.

The pressure group Dispense with Indirect Meanings Organisation (DIM) has written to the Council of Illwell asking they consider renaming the town to one with less negative implications. It’s understood they are asking for the ‘Ill’ part to be removed as it might upset poorly people.

The council will be obliged to agenda the objection at their next monthly AGM, but they are not likely to budge.

A spokesperson for Illwell said, “Illwell is actually very positive because the ‘well’ bit comes last and the implication, if any, is that things are improving. I would have a lot more sympathy with this fringe group if the name of our town was Wellill”.

The original villages were called Wellgood and Illstone, but due to extensive house building, the land between the two diminished away and a decision was made to merge the two and combine the names in the most imaginative way.

There was some local opposition to the merger at the time and a few stalwarts still campaign to this day on both sides. There are clear signs of the past in some of the names that haven’t changed such as, the pub, The Wellgood Head and Illstone Paper and Scissors Stationery Company. Other names were changed along with the town name back in the 70’s. Illstone Hall became Illwell Hall and the hospital was renamed Illwell Hospital.

It is generally considered a myth that the name of Illwell refers back to old times when people became ill from drinking water from the local well. The Illwell Well is still visible today at the foot of Illwell Hill and is considered lucky if you throw money in it.